


poppies

by worry



Series: heartbreaks and earthquakes [3]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Episode: s02e04 Day of Wrath, Gen, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-01-24
Packaged: 2018-09-19 17:56:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9453164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/worry/pseuds/worry
Summary: He prepares for his meeting with Victor Aldertree with precise care, spends two hours in front of his mirror, buried in his wardrobe.No matter what happens, look untouchable. Be calm. This will pass. Magnus always said that there is light in the darkness.His hands shake as he buttons his suit, but he maintains his composure well; at this point, every fear that Raphael feels, he feels minimally. His mind always empty, his mind always full, his body always stressed, his brain always running over every possible outcome.Be calm. This will pass.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This describes Raphael's torture, be safe.

He prepares for his meeting with Victor Aldertree with precise care, spends two hours in front of his mirror, buried in his wardrobe.  _No matter what happens, look untouchable. Be calm. This will pass. Magnus always said that there is light in the darkness._ His hands shake as he buttons his suit, but he maintains his composure well; at this point, every fear that Raphael feels, he feels minimally. His mind always empty, his mind always full, his body always stressed, his brain always running over every possible outcome.  _Be calm. This will pass._

 

He wants to blame Simon. He does blame Simon, this is his fault, Raphael only wanted to protect  _him._ Raphael wanted to protect him. Simon, and the rest of the clan. Everyone. Including the Shadowhunters, despite their previous interactions; Valentine had the cup, Camille would only have made things worse, but  _Simon_ — Simon never saw that, mind too attached to Clary's fire. Mind always empty, mind always full. This, in reality, is Simon's fault.

 

In a way, however, it is also Raphael's. Trust being his mind's downfall, trust being the thing that empties his mind.

 

He thinks again:  _good riddance._ The words are still bitter. Still not enough.

 

* * *

 

"Mr. Santiago," says Victor, voice deep and smooth. Raphael's stomach twists. "Thank you for coming in."

 

He's hit with emotions at these words, the kind of sickness he had tried so hard to avoid. He wants to laugh, maybe,  _this is it, this is what they do, I didn't have a choice, I will never have a choice, I am deservedly inferior in your eyes. Deservedly, but unjustly. I have only ever cared about protecting._ He also wants to let himself shake, but that's not acceptable.  _Be calm. This will pass._

 

Raphael stares at Victor Aldertree, composed, and says only: "It's not like I had much of a choice."

 

Victor dismisses his guards with a simple nod. "Believe me, I was hoping to resolve our little vampire den dilemma without dragging you in here."

 

Raphael stays silent, thinks about laughing again. There's no other way to resolve this. They both know that there was no other way to resolve this. They both know, instantly upon meeting, that Raphael will not last long.

 

"But," he says, moving a little bit closer, still viper-rough, "last night one of my teams raided another one in Ocean Hill. Fourteen mundanes drained, three of them children."

 

Oh. Raphael shivers, now, shakes; this is his fault, trust being his downfall, _his_ fault,  _mundanes are getting hurt, **children**_ _are getting hurt, because of him, Somehow it is always because of him._ The thought of it, mundanes being fed on by his kind. Children screaming. They're too young to process what's happening, they're too young to understand, their childhood ripped away from them like teeth in skin. Raphael feels so sick. So, so sick.

 

 _Be calm. This will pass._ Magnus' voice echoes in his mind.

 

He swallows. "Camille at work. She's always had a thing for kids. It has  _nothing_ to do with my clan."

 

"Unfortunately we've reached a limit on kicking the can down the road. If you want to prove your innocence, deliver Miss Belcourt to the Clave."

 

"You think I haven't been trying?" 

 

"I want to believe you, Mr. Santiago," Victor says, growing closer. Right next to him, right in front of him, lies Raphael's future. Raphael's terrifying future. "But sadly, I'm not sure I do."

 

Of course he doesn't. Shadowhunters never do. Raphael's mind empty, Raphael's mind full. Keep calm. Be composed. This will pass.

 

Victor leads Raphael off of the balcony, into his office. "Based on your long list of missteps over the past seven decades, it seems you have a hard time controlling your urges."

 

"All unfortunate misunderstandings. I told you, I had nothing to do with those feedings. It must be Camille."

 

Raphael sits down, legs shaking, body shaking, mind full. He is whole, he will always be whole. This is just another unfortunate misunderstanding. This will pass.  _Be calm._

 

"Where is she now?"

 

"I told you, I don't know. And if I did, I'd go over there, find her myself, and stop her."

 

Victor sits across from him, grasps at a box on his desk. Opens it. Be calm. 

 

"What a hero you are, Raphael," he says, and—

 

be calm—

 

it happens quickly, Raphael cuffed to the chair,  _what a hero you are, what an idiot you are, look at what you've done—_

 

be calm—

 

Raphael lets out a desperate, scared hiss. Fangs bared, as if he can do anything but shake, endure. He is no longer composed. He is no longer calm. Raphael, scared, strapped to a chair,  _scared._ Raphael's mind filled up with fear, overflowing. White noise.  _God._

 

"What - what are you doing?" he breathes, still struggling. Praying silently. Praying. Praying. Praying. There is no one listening, thoughts of Simon and Magnus and his family running through him as the cold metal brushes against his hands.  _God._ There is no way out.  _God._

 

"Something new from the Clave R&D department," Victor explains. "To convince our vampire friends to cooperate."

 

He presses another button, activating a laser. Bright and blue.  _Be calm. This will pass. Be calm. Be calm. Be_ —

 

Slowly the laser moves towards him. Victor puts his hand through it for a moment. "Concentrated UV rays. Even more intense than sunlight."

 

It's between his legs now, and Raphael is no longer calm; look at him, here, how pathetic, he's just so pathetic, entire being pathetic,  _he can't even calm himself down, he has had so much experience with this and he's letting himself be ruined by one Shadowhunter, he's forgotten his family and he's forgotten Magnus but Simon's still fresh in his mind. God. He almost forgot what it's like, to be in pain. He's struggling and breathing and - gasping, full of desperation. He hasn't been desperate in a very long time, only weak, but—_

 

_But —_

 

_Oh —_

 

_God. God. God. Go—_

 

_BE CALM BE CALM BE CALM BE CALM BE CALM—_

 

_THIS WILL PASS THIS WILL PASS THIS WILL P—_

 

_The laser burns his hand, moves over it slowly, slowly burning him, pain folding in on him, his entire being is pain now, mind both full and empty, desperate. He lets out a desperate scream. It burns. It burns. It burns. Be calm. This will pass. Good riddance, or something like that. He won't last long, he's weak, he's —_

 

_be calm —_

 

"Stop.  _Stop."_

 

"Where's Camille?" Victor replies, body still so terrifyingly  _composed._ He watches Raphael burn and stays still. Raphael, weak. Raphael, struggling. Raphael like a fledgling again, a terrified, weak fledgling. This will pass.

 

"I - I told you, I don't - know. You - you can't get away with this. Torturing downworlders is a breach of the accords."

 

"We are aware of our restrictions. We call this... motivation."

 

Victor presses another button. Oh. Oh.  _Oh._

 

It _—_

 

It moves _—_

 

up further, slowly, the laser being so slow, time spinning and stopping and now the world is _—_

 

Raphael Santiago, and pain.

 

BE CALM THIS WILL PASS BE CALM THIS WILL PASS BE CALM BE CALM BE CALM _—_

 

_"Be calm," Magnus says as he holds Raphael, newly turned and scared, "this will pass. There is always a light in every darkness."_

 

Victor Aldertree burns crosses into his face and Raphael thinks about God, longs for a different life.

 

Victor Aldertree burns crosses into his face. Raphael deserves it. 

**Author's Note:**

> Please tell me what you think! I'm going to write the rest of Raphael's scenes in 2x04, btw, I'm just splitting them up into separate fics. So.
> 
>  
> 
> _Poppies have long been used as a symbol of sleep, peace, and death._


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